Ever have those weeks that you can't seem to get it together. Well, I am in the midst of one. Life is changing much too quickly for me. Yesterday Ellie had her final recitation at school for the summer and I boohooed. I love seeing the confident little girl emerge. We have decided to hold her back a year so potentially she can catch up and not be so behind on studies and maturity level in class. I know this is the right decision one we have complete peace about yet I still can't stop thinking if we are making the right decision. I feel like she is finally making head way in her class, but then again it took her all year to get to that point. KJ starts school in the fall and that means I will be by my lonesome for the majority of the day. My little partner will be off being big a kid. It also leads to the question that everyone asks "What are you going to do now?". Well, I have no idea. I know I will be in the position to contribute financially, but what about summers, spring break, etc. Over the years I have dabbled in many things, but have never had to think about it long term. They have been fun and frivolous. Never career worthy as of yet. I enjoy doing many things, but I am not positive what that ONE thing is that I could make into a worthwhile career choice. I passionately love being a mother. That is what I know I am good at. I am well aware that won't stop, ever, but they also won't continually be with me anymore. I tear up at a drop of a hat. I am one that continually looks ahead. What am I going to do when they go off to college and then get married?!?!? I do have even a greater fear of missing what is happening NOW though. I want to live this life to the fullest. With life changing I am just not sure what that looks like right now. I am needlessly stressed to say the least. Thankfully Ellie gets out of school today. I am determined to make this the best summer yet, before all these changes drive me raving mad.
I have this on repeat in my mind, as of now it helps... Matthew 6:34
