Right now I am not certain this post will ever live past my draft box, but right now when the world feels so uncertain I simply write. When I can no longer speak my fingers do the talking for me. Right now our world is hurting. The black community is aching and has been. We all are seeing how deep and that breaks my heart that so many missed it whether it was by intention or not. I see it and wish it could all be healed in an instant, but I know it won’t be that easy and for that matter shouldn’t be. If we were all able to flip a switch and truly see everyone as equal I am not certain that would true or be what our black community deserves. I want to listen, learn & dig deeper than ever before to be certain that no pre judgement is living within because of the color of someones skin. I want to be certain that when I say we are equal that all my actions, intended or not, reflect that. We can all shout from the roof tops that we are not racist, but has there ever been a time where I second guessed anything due to someones skin color? I am not talking about racial slurs or anything that is easily seen and called out to be blatantly racist. That would be too easy. I am talking about the subtle ways in which I may have failed our black community, my friends even. I am certain there has been times when I have failed even when it was unintentional. For this I am deeply sorry. If you did not know my papa is colombian and darker. My mama is the fairest of them all. I have seen and heard things directed at our family and yet never fully comprehended. I have been asking myself why am I just now seeing it for what it was? Was it my parents protection? Was it the multi-cultural area in which I was raised when I was small? I finally feel as if I came to a conclusion, it’s simply because I happened to get more of my mama’s skin color. Within this I was allowed be that and not be excluded or scorned. Yes, I still have been called so many things, but in the end I do not have to live with it every day. I don’t have to ever worry about walking down the street or when I get pulled over by the police. This has everything to do with my skin color and nothing to do with where I grew up or my parents protection. This is a hard pill to swallow. I want you to know that I am choosing to make an even more conscience effort to do more better. It’s simply not enough to have those around me know that they are loved. I must take that love and amplify it. I have been seeing that “love is not enough” going around, but for me it is the answer to it all. For me love is not a feeling it is an action that must be built upon daily. For example if I say I love my husband, but don’t put the effort in daily our love would be lost. It’s hard work, sometimes it’s beautiful and sometimes it’s tear stained, but it is ALWAYS worth it. So I am praying how to love better. Praying how to teach my children how to love better. Simply having a mix of different races in our circle isn’t enough. It never was and somehow I missed that. So now I am learning, reading, and listening to voices who need to be heard and the one of my heavenly Father. I must love others how Jesus loves us. He was a man of actions. He did not wait for the people to come, but He went to them. He met them where they were at and did not wait for everyone to figure it our first. He flipped tables when change was needed. He then died for us ALL. Now do I have it all figured out on how this will look in the next few weeks, months or years. No, I don’t. I do know what I can control is today and I pray that if we all choose to make a difference everyday then in the end we may be closer to having a world that does not judge others, but fights for others. I pray that this space becomes a place to speak truth, learn, conversate and especially where I can be taught. Not that I hold much weight, but I want you to hear me when I say YOU matter, black lives matter. Your children matter, your jobs matter, your faith matters, you matter no matter where you stand, YOU simply matter. You make this world a better place and am grateful we occupy this same earth. Thank you for being uniquely you in whatever capacity that is.
If I can keep this blog up, I will share more of the black community in this space. Over the past few weeks I have come across some pretty amazing souls and I have been hearing from those who I have known for some time. Artists, designers, faith builders, authors & more. There truly is space for us all. It’s time for us to be proactive in making it a reality.
