With the kids being teens and the Mr enjoying a good sleep in before work means I am up hours before anyone else. Tomorrow is Christmas and the New Year sneaks up quickly after that. I did not want to end the year on a gift guide as I am certain that is not where my heart lays. This year has been something else and I wanted to reflect on all that as a sort of time capsule. One that I can look back on and remind myself of all this year brought. The year began with us all in a flurry of activity. Me with work, the kids with school and sports. We were finalizing all the dates on our biggest vacation to date for when the kids got of school. I was making plans on next steps in my newly found business. We had our photography business lined up with some over the top weddings. On March 13th we picked up the kids from school and all of little Kellen’s friends to celebrate his birthday that was that week. We were headed to Top Golf and questioned if we should even go. We decided to go ahead and go since at that time we thought the kids had a few more days of school before shut down. I went armored with clorox wipes and the boys laughed as I wiped it all down. Who knew that would be the last interaction they would have for months. Schools closed, businesses slowly shut down after that. We all started to do school and work strictly from computer screens. Masks were a thing and cleaning supplies and toilet paper became scarce. My job remained “essential” which didn’t sit quite right with me, but I continued on to the best of my ability. The Mr worked pretty much none stop and the kids taught themselves as middle school math mine as well look like rocket science to me. In the in between we built a rock patio as a family project from stones we found around the yard and filled in the missing pieces by buying local. This project became more than just a project. It truly was how our family reconnected. We quickly realized we were all in motion doing our part, but missing each other over the past year. Every stone we moved either made us laugh, cry or get angry. Somehow that space balanced us all out. We walked the neighborhood daily and met folks we have never seen before. I morned for so many. Constantly carrying the weight of living in a place that had nice weather where we could be outside while I had friends in New York confined to small spaces in freezing weather. The health care workers were and still are exhausted including those in my own family. The kids missed there grandparents, social interactions, but they adapted. Then one day the world went back to what some folks call the new normal. Doing life, but with masks on. I have seen so many encounter loose due to covid, I have seen people fighting for their lives, I’ve seen hate that is so strong politically from both sides, the divide between races made me look inward in a whole new way, I have seen chasms open in marriages that makes me ache, I can’t even say what I have seen it do to kids as that is too much to put into words. This year I will not miss, but I never want to forget it. My emotions went from numb, to anger, to exhaustion, to joy and that list can go on and on. The one thing that remained steady and always will be that I love a faithful God. This year I found myself handing every situation back to Him as I know I can not carry it on my own. I also found myself asking Him all the question as to “why?” is this year unfolding the way it is. Some might say I feel too much, but in the end that is who I am and I hope what makes me a good mother, wife, friend, photographer & designer. I am not one that will shy away from helping carry your weight. I am not scared of digging deep. I will also be the one to pray and point you to Jesus the whole way even if it means we are kicking and screaming the whole way. I know this all is far from over and 2021 will bring a lot of the same, but I hope after seeing what we all have seen that we enter the new year with more compassion, more love, more of a fighting for others spirit and a hope that reaches no end. I think we can all do better even if it is a simple scrunching up of the eyes to show someone we are smiling behind the mask. I know I have a lot of work to do inward and outward. For the next few days though I am going to enjoy our little family and remind them and myself that we truly can do anything with Christ by our side. Remind them how far we have come, remind them of the good and the bad. Remind them of the heartaches and the joys. To be human is to have both sides work in unison. To be a follower of Christ is to take all we have encountered and grow from it. This scripture has been up on our chalkboard for going on 2 years and I have yet to change it as it truly speaks to me still…
“He has made everything beautiful in its time.” - Ecclesiastes 3:11
I am not sure what this year looked like for you all, but I pray for the next few days you can grasp a moment of hope if you too have had a tough time. If you haven’t, then my challenge for you is to extend that hope to someone else who may need it. So many are fighting battles in the shadows and we all need to remember that we can’t see it all. We are definitely living in a time that filters can make it seem all okay even if your world is falling apart. Email me if you need a particular prayer or even if you feel alone and just need to connect. I do not have all the answers, but I do believe this space that I built over a decade ago is meant for connecting. Thank you all for being on this journey with me. My ups, my downs & even the times I left this space for months at a time.
