art by Laura Ferreira
Hamath and Arpad are dismayed, for they have heard bad news. They are disheartened, troubled like the restless sea. - Jeremiah 49:23
As I read yesterday's one year bible I kept on coming back to the verse above. "They are disheartened, troubled like the restless sea". I thought how that very phrase put into words how my heart can sometimes feel. How with every slamming wave I can feel myself going under, sinking sometimes with a struggle and sometimes in pure calmness and the next moment rising towards the surface for a deep and welcomed breath. How that very wave can make me feel unbalanced and me in turn digging my feet deeper into the sand to not be knocked down again. Then there are moments of time in between every crashing wave where the sea is clear as glass and I can float on my back letting the little ripples carry me as I watch the clouds pass ever so beautifully. Those are the moments where all seems right with my little world and I can walk tall and confident until the next big wave comes and knocks me down again. Those waves can come out of nowhere. They can be big as the kiddos running in with hearts broken, dr diagnosis that I may not have been prepared for, a family member or friend having a long journey to wellness and you want to make everything better, but you know you just can't. They can be as small as a never ending loads of laundry, a house that can't stay clean, eating out more than you know you should because threading water is all you can muster in those very moments.
I can see myself in that restless sea. I can see where I am knocked down again and again. In those moments where I feel this may be the time I drown, I can look towards Heaven with an outreached arm and utter a simple prayer of "I need more of You Jesus." I know His presence surrounds me by a timely text from a friend, the Mr doing something unexpected to just bring me a dose of joy, the kiddos come running in and asking for a hug and they then linger even if their friends are waiting. It's those moments I can breath deep, the tightness of my chest ceases, and I can just feel His presence in a way words cannot describe. To be honest most of this year I felt as if I have been living in the drowning. Not in a struggle kind of way or even in a unfavorable sort of way, but one that has me sinking deeper and every time I come up to the surface I come up stronger, I come up ready to proclaim what Jesus has done for me over and over. I then dig my feet deep into the sand and pray. Pray for healing for those around me, pray for marriages to be strengthened, pray for us all to know Jesus in deeper ways, pray for those that are hurting, and pray for those that are doing just fine. I do this in hopes that I can help others dig their feet deeper, side by side, arm in arm, with Jesus intertwined for I know that force of that wave that is waiting to take us down again will not be able to take down a barrier of determined woman and men who can stand knee deep in sand holding onto Jesus's promise for we are "Fully convinced that God was able to do what he had promised." - Romans 4:21. Hanging on to that promise means that whether drowning, standing firm or simply treading in that sea means that every one of us will be okay. It may not be in the ways we hope or expect, but we will all be okay and be better for it.
Through him we have also obtained access by faith into this grace in which we stand, and we rejoice in hope of the glory of God. More than that, we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us. - Romans 5: 2-5
