“Every ending is a new beginning. Through the grace of God, we can always start again.” - Marianne Williamson
A Boy
The Mr likes to remind me often to let KJ be a boy. He is reckless and at times just plain ole dangerous. This in turn makes me want to constantly remind him to be careful, not climb so high, or go so fast. He smells of boy sweat most days and has the sneakiest smile of all times. I grew up with sisters and even though we were not considered the dainty type I had no idea what having a boy would bring. He lives in full throttle and loves in the same way too. Some might say he is a mama's boy. He is even quick to admit this to the man behind the dairy counter. Some warned me that he will grow out of this stage faster than I would be ready for. Since the burn I thought that time had come. The accident came much too soon after our Australia trip where I think he was just starting to forgive me for leaving him for a whole week. The longest I have ever gone without him. For weeks after the burn KJ would not really touch me. Our nightly show watching, book reading, just because cuddles came to an abrupt stop. He was afraid to touch me, because he was afraid of hurting me. Following the most painful times, when I was ready and able to hold him again he wouldn't have it. He would sit by me, but not in the same way he once did. He did it because I asked not because I could make everything better with a single hug. With a reluctant heart I succumb to the fact I was not needed the way I once was. I did not care for the way it all changed especially due to the circumstances, but life still went on. He was still my boy and we just operated a little differently. Fast forward to last week, KJ got sick. He ran high temps and felt all over miserable. The first thing he did was crawl onto my lap and stayed. I did not admit to him that it was painful for him to be sitting on my still healing wounds, but body scars can not compare to the heart scars in any way. For two days straight all he wanted to do was lay in my arms so that is what we did. I've come to know what I already knew more so this past year than any other, my children are ever changing, I am am ever changing, but our God is steady and for that I know all our days will be well no matter how hard or easy that day may be. I am grateful our connection was healed.
*When the pain was so bad and I could not utter words KJ came up with a way for us to communicate. We would point our thumbs in a direction to indicate how I was feeling. It made me smile every time. Since the burns he still likes to communicate with me in this way. It can represent how dinner was, how our days went, or how he did on a test. I'm sure the older he becomes the more silly our way of communicating will become to him and eventually seize so for now I will relish in my eight year old ways. For one day my boy will be a man.
Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing. - James 1: 2-4
sources: t-shirt | pants old Ann Taylor {similar} | booties | KJ's button down {war eagle} | jeans
Victories
Sometimes in the midst of a hectic week I just have the need for something to work the way I imagine it should. This just so happens to be the case with a ribbon dyeing or should I say re-dyeing experiment that I recently did during one of those weeks when everything seemed to be going array. For our photography business we use lots and lots of ribbon. Mostly for our packaging, but also for styling and on occasion for Ellie's hair. At the beginning of summer I dyed this silk fabric turned ribbon a tad too bright of a corally pink. I left it in the dye for a minute too long or maybe I used too much dye all together, but either way the color was much too vivid for my liking. I deemed it fine for summer, but with fall and winter right around the corner I was wanting a deeper and softer color. I did not want to waste all the newly created ribbon or pack it away for I know myself too well and the said ribbon would be forgotten. Out of sight out of mind. I took half of my stash, leaving room for error, to see if I could change it up a bit. I saved my coffee grounds after making my favorite ice coffee recipe and re-soaked them in water to make a deep muddy color. The following day I put the water over medium low heat and soaked the ribbon for a few hours. I did a quick rinse off in the sink and as I watched the ribbon dry I was pleasantly surprised that what remained was a much more muted corally pink color. I then repeated the process with the rest of the ribbon I had on hand. This not so important DIY gave me the second wind I needed. The process takes time and when the outcome is iffy at best it was nice to have a tangible accomplishment even if it is a small and somewhat silly one. Have you all had any victories that may seem unimportant while in the midst of something so much greater, but that little victory just makes everything seem okay even if it is just for a moment?
