photo by kellen jr | age 11
Almost a year ago I stopped blogging. The reason was simple, I was tired. The reason I was tired though was complex.
The known reasons made sense. I had a fabulous job working school hours in interior design working for Katrina Porter. I then picked up the kiddos and swim lessons, homework, lacrosse, etc ensued. My body was still healing from pretty much shutting down a few years back. I simply could not fit in hours upon hours of blogging at least not to my desired content quality any longer. Simple, right?
Now for the unknown reasons that started to eat me up internally. I became insecure in this world of blogging. I felt like I no longer had the hustle or the confidence that is needed to put myself out there in this world wide web. I was no longer the cute little mother with adorable toddlers. I was the mother that's aging and my kiddos wanted less of a presence on here. I couldn't blame them. I wanted my face to be on here less too. Secondly, I went through a shift that made me wanting less, be more minimal and more intentional with our finances. Sounds great, but within the walls of this blog that I created that made it hard. I felt a duty to myself and my readers to not promote things I did not need or necessarily even want. To stop purchasing things just so I could create content. The internal struggle was real. Can I tell you how hard it is to make content without wanting to push things or myself anymore? I get it, this was my doing completely. That box was caving in and I had no idea how to pivot out of it. I think over the prior years I somehow fell into the comparing game and I wasn't living up to what I thought I needed or should be.
Now fast forward to this new beginning. After spending the year being more intentional with my family, aka not needing a camera everywhere we went because good content could be missed. I found myself leaving my job this past January, for God given reason that I will share later. Spending way less money by fully adopting the uniform way of life and finally realizing this house wanted to be more minimal. I slowly shed the box that I put myself in, this blog in. I accepted there is a place for not only the cute young mothers, but also a place for the one's who can relate more to hot flashes. I accepted there is not only room for the folks who can renovate at lighting speeds, but also there is a place for those that renovate at a snails pace. I accepted that some folks are made to go to every conference and host every event and it is okay that I am not one of them. I am most happy having quite nights in or folks over sharing a good meal. I finally accepted I am enough just as I am. It is freeing really. To fully accept that I will forever be a quite soul within the walls of this busy world.
To be honest "the new beginnings" post I had written a week before finally posting. I knew I wanted to start back for some time now, but I was second guessing. I swear my second guessing gene was made extra big. I remember being in my teens, then 20's, then early thirties thinking surely by "this age" I would be a pillar of confidence. I then heard a church service at the most perfect moment and the message was just the push I needed. The push to get over myself and all my doubt. I came home and hit publish. Now I encourage you at what ever stage of life you are in, if you have a passion then get to it. There will never be a perfect moment. It really just takes doing it, scared and all. So here I am a blogger once again. Not necessarily because I love the idea of blogging, but because I have a God given passion to write and this is the perfect platform for me at this time. Now what steps can you take to make your dreams a reality? I would love to hear what stirs your soul.
*You can listen the message here if you too need a little push.
